


Before and After

by miss_janey



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Books, Canon Related, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, KaraMel, One Shot, post 2x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 07:59:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12502636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_janey/pseuds/miss_janey
Summary: Kara learns why Mon-El is such a bookworm.





	Before and After

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emarasmoak (emara32)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emara32/gifts).



> Hi, everyone!  
> First of all, I changed my username. In case you don't recognize me.   
> Secondly, I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while. Office chaos happened. *mouths sorry*  
> As a peace offering, here's a little bit of fluff to help us get through the long wait until Mon-El returns.   
> It's set immediately after episode 2x18 (imagine he's resumed reading Harry Potter)  
> I hope you like it!
> 
> This one is for @emarasmoak for her continuous support and for giving me the little push I needed to start writing again.   
> Thank you, my dearest! You have no idea how much your words meant to me.

**_Nine years ago…_ **

_He had been distracted. He knew there were other things –important things– he should have been doing. Instead, he'd been in the midst of reading his favorite book for the hundredth time when his mother pounded on his door, yanking him out of his reveries._

_“Mon-El! I’ve already called for you thrice, you insolent idiot!” she snapped in annoyance, forcefully pushing the door and him out of her way when he stepped forward to let her in. “I told you, you are requested to attend tonight’s ball. Now, get your useless ass downstairs and try not to embarrass me and your father!”_

_He tuned out the rest of her angry words, and just stood there pliantly as she pointed an accusing finger in his face and continued to insult and berate him. He let her grab him by his left wrist, making him drop his holo-reader with a loud clank on the floor. Her grip was strong enough to hurt and cut off his blood circulation, but he didn’t utter a single complaint as the regal woman dragged him out of his sleeping quarters._

_Mon-El was still under the spell of his favorite story, immersed inside that fantastical world, as he followed his mother to the ballroom located in the East wing of their palace. It was a magical feeling when he picked up a book, the way the inked words seemed to take on a life of its own, transporting him to another universe. For a brief moment –always too brief–, he inhabited a special place that he found impossible to describe. A zone of comfort and joy. It had been so powerful that night, his mind escape, his mother had had to call him several times before resorting to practically breaking down the doors to his bedchamber in order to get his attention. The pinched look of displeasure on her face as she descended the stairs to the main hall showed she was still fuming over it._

_“For once in your life, do us a favor and behave yourself!” he winced at that, knowing what she truly meant by those words._ _Do not lower yourself. Do not show sympathy. Do not show weakness. Behave as a true Daxamite, as their rightful prince._

_He wanted to protest and tell her that, if he could, he would never attend another boring royal event in his life. That if he could, he would give up the Daxamite throne in a heartbeat. He had his own hopes and dreams, expectations and wishes, though he'd never admit them to his mother._

_But he knew better than to even hint at dissent. He might burn with resentment and frustration, but he had learned at a young age that he wasn’t to show displeasure. Especially not to his mother. Disobedience would not be tolerated and even the slightest association with a rebellious thought would be squashed with ruthless ferocity. Her dominion could not –would not– be questioned. Every time he pretended to find the courage to fight her, it dissolved as quickly as it came. He was weak. He was a coward._

_He was worthless._

_Therefore, he dissimulated. He concealed and camouflaged. He would drink with the high-ranks, flirt with the women, dance with the guests, and drug himself into a stupor until numbness invaded his mind and his feelings were buried enough not to hurt. He would do everything that was asked of him, while inside, he would continue to imagine what life would be like if things were different. If_ he _were different._

_That was the only form of rebellion he could ever allow himself._

 

* * *

 

 

**Present day**

“I never asked you,” the Kryptonian hesitantly began, hating to interrupt her boyfriend while he was looking so deep in concentration and immersed inside the novel on his hands. “Why do you like to read so much?”

Mon-El folded the tip of the page he was currently reading, making sure he wouldn’t lose it. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Kara the truth, but after what happened with his parents and how she reacted to him lying, he knew he had no choice. _No more lies._

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” the blonde started with a frown on her features when she noticed his reluctance. “I just thought that… well…” she shrugged.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, Kara,” he explained. “I just don’t know if you really wanna hear it.”

The Daxamite put the dog-eared book on top of the coffee table and stood up from where he was sitting next to her on their couch.

“What do you mean?” she questioned.

“I don’t think you’re gonna like what you hear.” He couldn’t face her, so he faced the open windows instead, looking out at the lights illuminating the whole city. “I mean… it’s not exactly a happy story.”

From the way his shoulders sagged, she could tell this wasn’t an easy subject. Nonetheless, she was there for him. And he needed to know that. So, in a whooshing move, Kara joined her boyfriend by the window and hugged him from behind.

This was one the best feelings, bear hugging someone with all her strength. She loved being able to hold him and squeeze him, and not having to be afraid of splintering his ribs. Despite her being made of steel, her heart was not –and it felt nice having someone to share it with, completely and unashamedly.

“All the more reason for me to hear it,” she whispered between his shoulder blades, while giving him a soft kiss. “I want to know everything, Mon. The good, the bad and the ugly.”

“I know, babe, and I’m so thankful,” Mon-El reassured her by holding her hands resting on his abdomen more tightly. Slowly, he turned around and faced his beautiful girlfriend, still not able to fully meet her eyes. Those comets were his worst weakness. “I guess, I’m- I think a small part of me is afraid of what you will think of me once I tell you.”

Kara visibly winced at that statement. Her signature crinkle making a brief reappearance. Though it hurt, she knew she couldn’t exactly blame him for feeling that way. Just like she once told Alex that she might not have created an environment in which her sister felt comfortable enough to share her inner thoughts, Kara was beginning to understand she might have committed the same sin against Mon-El.  Why would her Daxamite boyfriend want to discuss his past and Daxam with her when all she ever did was judge and diminish his culture and upbringing? And although they both knew she was right about many things about Daxam being downright awful, the same could be said about some things on Krypton.

Her planet had not been perfect. Her family had not been perfect. And it was unfair of her to keep upholding everyone around her to the same mistaken standards.

“Don’t-” With a new resolve in her mind and soul, she softly took Mon-El’s face between her hands and finally made him look at her. “You don’t ever have to be scared of telling me about your past –or present or future, for that matter–, okay? I meant what I said. I want to know everything about you, Mon. I wanna know how you feel, what you feel… I wanna know your hopes and fears, your darkest thoughts and brightest ideas; even when you think I won’t like what you have to say or won’t agree with it. Do you understand?”

He nodded with a small smile on his lips. “Yeah.”

“Good,” she said pecking those inviting lips. “Now, tell me. Did you have books in Daxam?”

“Yes, we did. Though not like the ones here on Earth,” his eyes started to sparkle in excitement as he described how books worked on his home planet. “We’d read holographic books, and they were mostly about History and Politics. Definitely no ‘Romeo and Juliet’s or ‘Harry Potter’s to be found there,” he frowned, “…unfortunately.”

“Really? What did you use to read? What did you like?” she asked him excitedly like a puppy.

“Mhmm, mostly I’d read about old Daxam’s myths and legends, those were my favorites growing up.” He told her how his parents didn’t approve of his reading since they thought it was just a waste of time, so he’d had do it in secret. “I’d hide myself in some corner at the palace with a holo-reader in my hands, and I’d picture how different my life would’ve been if I’d never been the prince.”

Kara knew that his past as royalty was a sore subject for him, so she decided to veer the conversation to a safer topic –but failed miserably.

“Which one was your absolute favorite story as a child?” she asked him with increasing curiosity, her inner reporter getting the best of her.

“The tales of Valor.”

“That sounds interesting!” she exclaimed chirpily. “What was it about?”

“Mhmm, Valor was this amazing warrior who saved Daxam by leading his soldiers to victory from evil invaders. He was brave and strong and kind, and- He was great leader, he was an inspiration… he was everything I wanted to be.”

He got a far-off look on his face, and Kara couldn’t help the huge grin that sprung on her lips while her mind imagined a smaller version of the man standing in front of her wearing a costume and play-pretending to be a legendary hero. After a brief moment of happily daydreaming about little Mon-El, Kara focused on listening again to what his older version was saying. “That one was my favorite, because…” he hesitated for a second but continued after a silent beat. “Because every time I’d read that story, it’d make me feel like… I don’t know, I- I guess it’d give me hope.”

“Hope of what?”

“Hope of not being what I was.”

Her chest painfully constricted at that. She knew Mon-El suffered from some ingrained self-loathing, but she never realized exactly how deep it ran. “Hey, you’re not. You’re not that person anymore, Mon. You’re _so_ much better now.”

“I know, I know that… It’s just, I- I hated being the prince. I hated everything about it,” Kara could tell the sincerity of his words by how his entire posture tensed and how her usually cheerful boyfriend became a brooding weird moody version of himself. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because I know I had it a lot better than most of my people did, but…”

“Hey,” she interrupted his trail of thought. “Just because someone out there is having it rougher than you, doesn’t invalidate your feelings or make them any less true. Okay? You’re allowed to feel whatever you need to feel.”

“Still, Kara…” he stopped to compose himself when tears sprung to his eyes. “I can’t help but feel like- well, like _shit_.”

“Mon…”

“I hated it so much! And I didn’t even understand why I felt that way because I never knew anything better. I- I mean, I had everything anyone could ever want and I still felt so alone and miserable, and I didn’t know why…” he lightly ran his fingers through her cheek. “I didn’t understand… until I met you.”

“Ignorance is not bliss then?” Kara tried to lighten the mood.

He chuckled at her feeble attempt. “Most definitely not.”

After he’d told her the entire story, she understood him a lot better. A lot of the things he used to do, he didn’t do them out of pure pleasure; his parents had very different expectations from him than a ‘normal’ parent would have of their child, even his own people expected certain behaviors from him. Even more so considering how things were on Daxam. Not behaving as the ‘fratboy of the universe’, now, _that_ would be offensive and unruly. His entire culture didn’t allow for anything else.

So, he hid.

He hid behind his books and his exultant persona.

He hid so well that everyone believed it to be true. Even her. Even himself.

Her heart ached for him. For all the abuse he endured at the hands of his own parents –the people who were meant to love him the most–, the loneliness amidst the seas of false flatterers and strangers with hidden intentions, the obsessive control and mistrust over his every action. She profoundly regretted ever misjudging him because of some silly prejudice instilled in her by her own flawed principles. And that was the point exactly; she was no better than him, he was no better than her.

At the end of the day, they were both just a pair of aliens on a strange land trying to build a new home for themselves.

Kara closed the slight space remaining between them. “I’m glad you had something to hold onto, at least.”

“Yeah,” he sighed and beamed at her. “And since you asked, I don’t read to escape myself anymore. Now, I read because… well, I like it! It’s entertaining and it’s fun. And, it reminds me that things can get better –that _I_ can _be_ better.”

“That’s great, baby,” Kara felt an immense sort of relief at his words. He was so good, and she was determined to make him see it, too. “Although, I do wish some things could have been different for you.”

She wished Mon-El had known a mother’s love and a father’s pride. She wished he had never felt unworthy just because he thought differently from the rest. She wished he had gotten more support and encouragement. Nevertheless, she was set on making up for lost time now. She would show him what having a real family felt like, what being _loved_ felt like.

“Nah, I wouldn’t change a thing, to be honest.”

“Why?”

“I finally get it, you know?” he touched his forehead to hers. “Everything that happened, everything I did and didn’t do… It’s all led me to you, Kara Zor-El.”

“Aww, are you implying I’m your destiny, Mon-El of Daxam?” Destiny. Such a complex concept. She always wondered if fate was real or not. Could be comforting or disheartening, depending on how you viewed its existence. What if no matter what choices she made or what direction she took, she was always headed towards the same finish line. “Do you think if our planets had survived, that we would’ve met anyways?”

“For sure,” he stated confidently. “I believe that every possible outcome in every possible universe would have our paths crossing. Whether on Krypton, Daxam or Earth… somewhere, somehow- I know you and I were meant to be together.”

Her heart soared. “You truly believe that?”

“With everything that I have.”

And with one mind-blowing kiss, she started to believe it as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> You can find me in Tumblr, I'm @ms-jane-darcy
> 
> P.S. I'm still working on that multi-chapter, I'm so so sorry I couldn't upload it yet!  
> I've had such a terrible time these past couple of months at work; my boss -whom I adored- got fired, and I've been working extra hours every single day since then, trying to keep things afloat. I'm overworked and exhausted. And as you can guess, that has left no time to write.   
> But do not despair! I'm still here, and when you least expect it, I'll be back with some very much needed Karamel cuteness.


End file.
